A day in the park...

Mason is 4 months old...wow, time has flown! It's a crazy, exciting, whirlwind experience entering the world of parenthood. I feel like I am still trying to get my feet on the ground even though it has been a full out sprint since he's been born!

I've been back at work for 5 weeks, and things have been going really well. Mason is happy as can be with all his babysitters (thank goodness for Grandmas!!), and Chris and I have been doing a good job of sharing the chores, so everything is getting done. But I never give myself a break. Every night after work I HAVE to get something done, like cleaning the kitchen or a quick load of laundry, or else I just have this terrible nagging feeling all day like there is a ton of stuff to do. We had a lot going on this past month, between birthdays and my brother's wedding. So in the back of my mind, I kept telling myself, ok just work hard this month and then things will slow down a bit.

But lets face the facts...this is my life now. Go! go! go! and don't stop because you'll crash. Life is not slowing down anytime soon. I'm looking forward to the day when Mason starts crawling, but I realize that means there will be even less opportunities to just wash the dishes real fast :) There will always be birthdays, weddings, and other life events. Throw in a couple more kids with school and sports schedules, and I'm pretty sure I'll just have an IV of espresso shots hooked up to me at all times.

Before I came back to work my husband read an article about full time working moms. And basically the article said that full time working moms need to accept that they simply can't do everything. I may not be able to cook dinner every night and I certainly won't have the cleanest house. So it dawned on me that I have been trying to just make Mason an addition to my already existing lifestyle and that is not going to work long term.

Last weekend was my brother's wedding, so Christina and Stefan were here to be their photographers. Christina graciously offered to take family pictures while she was here, so Chris and I decided to take Friday off from work. We spent the morning hanging out in the park, enjoying the sunshine, while Christina captured these special moments with Mason. I had such a wonderful relaxing time, playing with my family. We went straight downtown after pictures and then to my brother's rehearsal dinner. It was one of those rare days where I did not care about chores that needed to be done or worried about the tasks on my checklists. And what a treat it was!!

So as I tackle this new life adventure, I am reminded of what matters the most. TIME! Mason is growing so fast and he is only going to be 4 months old once. I need to stop and soak up the moments more often. Who cares if the dishes sit in the sink for 2 more days?! Do I want Mason to remember how clean our house was while he was growing up...or do I want him to remember all the days we played in the park?

Thanks Christina and Stefan for these wonderful pictures, I cannot wait to see the rest!!

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day has come again and it is truly one of those "holidays" I wish would just pass right on by. I find myself saddened by the rows and rows of candy, stuffed animals, balloons, fake flowers, etc in every store you walk into. Do people really think that is how you show someone you love them?

The concept of Valentine's Day does not bother me. A day to cherish the people you love is actually a great idea. But love shouldn't be measured by romantic gestures or gifts. Love is not just a "feeling" you get. The phrase "practice makes perfect" best describes love in my opinion. Its a choice to love your spouse, not something that you just can't help because you are so overwhelmed by butterflies. I'm not saying you can't have butterflies just because you are married, I think its great when a married couple is still infatuated with each other, but lets call it what it really is. Love is different though, choosing to love someone means that you will love them the way they need to be loved. You will get out of bed at 3:30 in the morning to feed your baby, not because you feel like it, but because you chose to love your child and meet their needs. The same idea should be used for your spouse.

My husband kisses me goodbye every morning before work, even on the mornings that I have snored all night and kept him awake, or I have makeup smeared all over my face. I can assure you it is not because he is so overwhelmed by the butterflies in his stomach, but he knows its important to me. He brushes my hair after I've had a stressful day, put lotion on my feet every night when I was pregnant and couldn't reach my feet anymore, watches Glee with me on Tuesday nights...and I should stop there because I have already given away too many of his secrets, haha. But the point is that he doesn't feel like doing those things on a regular basis, but chooses to do them anyway. And after time, it becomes easy and natural to love someone, to do the things that you used to not feel like doing.

Our marriages should be modeled after Christ's relationship with the church according to scripture. There were days that Christ was angry with the pharisees, frustrated with his disciples lack of understanding, hurt by the betrayal of friends, and yet despite the fact that he didn't "feel" warm and fuzzy with His church, chose and still chooses to love them.

So today, I will go home and choose to love my husband this day like every day. And know that even though I didn't get a new diamond necklace or a ridiculously expensive boquet of roses, that my husband loves me, truly loves me. I hope everyone finds someone to truly love tonight, no matter who that person is, choose to love them the way they NEED to be loved, rather than the way the world thinks you should love them.

Sweet Moments

Have you ever thought to yourself, "How do moms do it? That just sounds awful".

I woke up to the sound of Mason crying, glanced at the clock because I had absolutely no idea how long I had been asleep. Its 3:30AM and I just put him down an hour ago, and I think to myself, "what is it now?" I slowly get up, put my slippers on, and rub my eyes as I walk into his room. I pick him up and realize he has spit up all over himself and his bedding. I get him naked, wash him off, put fresh pajamas on, change the blankets, and sit down to rock him back to sleep. Then I realize his nose is so stuffed he can barely breath, so I take a deep breath and go get the suction bulb. Anyone who has ever tried to suction a baby's nose realizes this is no fun task, especially at 3:30 in the morning. Despite the screaming and flailing of his arms, I get his nose cleared out. He takes one deep breath, and instantly falls asleep in my arms. I sit down in the glider thinking to myself, "I'll just rock him for 5 minutes to make sure he is sound asleep".

As I am sitting there, I can hear my husband and dogs sound asleep in the rooms next to me, and not another sound in the world except the slow deep breathing of Mason in my arms. I look at Mason and he is grinning from ear to ear while he is sleeping, and my heart is filled with complete joy. That is why millions of moms get out of bed at all hours of the night...not out of duty or obligation, but love. In that moment, as you see that sweet smile, you know he is completely content and you realize that you will always do whatever it takes to make your child's world perfect again.

Even though I look forward to the day that Mason starts sleeping through the night and I wake up feeling refreshed rather than exhausted, I will miss those sweet moments that can only happen in the quiet hours of the morning.

This tired mom is headed back to bed with a smile on her face.....

New Years Resolution

From Wikipedia:

In ancient Roman religion and mythology, Janus is the god of beginnings and transitions,^[1] thence also of gates, doors, doorways, endings and time. He is usually a two-faced god since he looks to the future and the past.

As the new year approached, I found myself reflecting on my past and pondering my future more than ever. Its mostly because I feel like "adulthood" crept up on me over night. Several little things have been showing me that I am no longer that young hip adult discovering my independence (yes, I still claim that I was at one point hip!). For example when I had to ask my sister's 19 year old boyfriend what smh stood for, he thought it was hilarious that I had no clue. Or when I moved desks at work and I needed help troubleshooting my computer, I called tech support and he was younger than me, by several years. Then it hit me, I am going to be 27, one year away from my 10 year high school reunion.....where have the last 10 years gone?!

In your 20s you are supposed to "find" yourself, so does that imply that you lose something along the way? I have always been a daughter, a sister, a friend, etc. But in my 20s I have added a couple titles...employee, co-worker, wife, daughter-in-law, homeowner, and now MOM. Holy cow, those 3 little letters are what made me realize, I'm not a kid anymore, I have to the be mom now!! While I was pregnant I kept hearing, "Your life will never be the same", "Get as much sleep as you can now because you won't sleep at all", "Enjoy time by yourself because you won't get any", "Being a mom is the hardest thing you will ever do".....then you add on everyone's horror labor and delivery stories, and you can't help but being a little intimidated.

I have now been a mom for 6 weeks and I LOVE it! Yes, its true, my life has changed, I don't get a lot of sleep or alone time, and it is one of the hardest things I have ever done. But it has brought me more joy and love than I could have ever imagined. It's so incredible being a mom, that it's easy to want to spend every second of your day with that precious baby. However, the truth is, I'm not ready to say goodbye to every part of who I was before, to completely close the book and start writing a new story. Rather, I want this to be a new chapter in my already existing life. So many people think you have to give up everything to be the perfect parent, and I don't agree with that. I am still a daughter, a wife, a friend....mom is not the only title that defines me. And to be a good mom, it's important not to lose the other sides of yourself.

As I thought about my New Years Resolution, I decided that since every December I say to myself, "where did this year go?", it would be good to start blogging about my life so I can take the time to not only look forward to the next year, but to remember the last year. When I think about who I want to be and what kind of mom I want to be, I have to remember who I was and who I am today. Chris and I celebrated our 2 year anniversary on New Years Eve. My mom babysat Mason while we enjoyed a nice sushi dinner and then game night with good friends. And I was thankful that even though so much has changed in our lives over these past 2 years, sitting at dinner with my husband and hanging out with friends felt like nothing had changed at all.